Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
