just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
