Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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