I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
His nipple licking is glorious
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