Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
