Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
