youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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