I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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