OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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