R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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