Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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