you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
