K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
