Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
