It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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