Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This is my gift to your gina
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
