Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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