he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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