dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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