Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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