Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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