I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize