I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
