They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
