My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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