You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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