i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize