It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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