Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
