i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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