i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
this is an emotional support booty call
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
