Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
