Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
