I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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