you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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