It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
