he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
