you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
