I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
