i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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