i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
