Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's blow job season.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
