why didn't you poke me back
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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