Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
