you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
