just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
