This beer is not sobering me up at all
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
