Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
