Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
