no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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