It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
