Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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