you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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