I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize