they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
