is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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