At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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