The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize