Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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