Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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