never play flip cup with pint glasses
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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