the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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