Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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