Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
