If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
