Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
