I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize