I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
