nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
