dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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