i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
