Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
