Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
